Monday, 14 May 2012

PPT – Post-Potty Trauma

It’s been almost two weeks since Conor’s May Day declaration – “It’s ok Mam, you no say ‘Oh Jesus’.  I did wee-wee in the toilet!” and so far he has kept to his ceasefire.
Life is returning to ‘chaotic-normal’ but post-potty trauma runs deep. Coping strategies vary. The kids are like attentive waiters in a gold-chip restaurant, pre-empting his every need, even putting the light on in the bathroom for him - just in case. I hesitate when putting on my runners - that cold squelch still haunts me. And my husband? Well, he has emerged from the study with a ‘poem’ for the children having made his own imaginative recovery:

Bladder Attack

When Conor pees
People scatter,
Barely escaping
The arc of his wee.

He pees on the floor
He pees out the door
Pees in the toybox
Pees on goldilocks

He pees down the slide
When playing outside
He pees on the plants
He pees after ants.

Instead of the loos
He pees in our shoes,
His aim’s so sharp
He’s the new Wyatt Earp.

We must watch our backs
From bladder attacks:
His crawling warm sting
Sticks clothes to our skin.

Yes, when Conor pees
People scatter,
Barely escaping
The arc of his wee.

This - I hope - is the last instalment of the ‘Wee-wee Trilogy!’

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

May-Day! May-Day!

April has been a busy month.
To date my toddler has pee’d …
- in the topsy turtle box
- behind the couch
- on the couch
- in the sit-on Thomas the tank
- in my runners  (good aim!)
- into the flower vase
- in the garden
- under the slide
- on the slide
- behind the bush
- in front of the bush
- on his brother’s back  (while his brother was innocently playing lego on the floor – we had to rush him to the shower)…
He has also…
- poured a full tub of Vanish down the sink
- attacked a box of party bags
- thrown the house phone in the bin on collection day…
That was April.
Very early this morning he arrived at the foot of the bed.
- Mam?
- Yes?
- I did a wee wee.
- Where?  I say - immediately awake.
- It’s ok Mam. You no say ‘Oh Jesus’.  I did it in the toilet.
Yippee! The terrible two’s are OVER!